5 Easy Steps to Win an Internet Debate (a satire)

The internet thrives on political chaos, or chaos in general. Suddenly everyone becomes an expert in law, economics, and telepathy. It would seem impossible to win a debate under these circumstances, right? Wrong! I have developed a sure-fire way to win any debate you enter and I’m willing to give you the secret for free!


Yes, FREE!

All you have to do is abandon all integrity and respect for humanity.


It only takes 5 easy steps!

1. Come prepared!

When you’re in a heated, online debate things can escalate quickly. Have a list of unoriginal insults and names ready to refer to. Some examples could be:





If all else fails the classic, Your feet stink, is available.

2. Find as many random, unverified sources to support your position.

Websites like wikipedia & buzzfeed are winners. Don’t forget to include that one blogger with 3 followers, his stuff is great!

3. Spread the rumors!

If you can’t find the evidence you need, just repeat something you think you once heard. How can anyone refute that? You know what you know.

4. Call for backup

If things are getting sketchy and you feel overwhelmed tag all your friends! Then y’all can use all of the above methods together and overwhelm your opponent into submission.

5. Twist their words around

This may take some practice but can be extremely effective. For instance if I say:

I prefer college football over pro football.

You come back with:

So you’re saying that the millions of dollars poured into communities through souvenir purchases and employment is just a waste!


If things get REALLY hairy, delete the entire thread. That way no one ever knows you lost.

Best of luck!


Conversations in the Car

Some of my favorite moments with hf are when we ride to and from school. There are times we ride silent; each wrapped up in their own thoughts or exhausted from long days. Most times, though, we have a mixture of silliness and singing along with the radio. I try hard to appreciate each moment because I know there will come a time when I’ll be making these drives on my own.

For the most part the near-daily treks, and subsequent conversations, are lighthearted. However, the educator in me doesn’t always allow teachable moments to pass by unrealized. Often I’ll manage to slip in a few bits of times tables, an observation on grammar or literature, or a life lesson that ties to her day or comments. I make it a rule, however, not to hound or press and let her guide.

This morning was one of those perfect rides that I’ll carry with me for a good while. We started off with lighthearted banter about how fun I am as a teacher (apparently I’m neither as fun as I think nor as cool as her teacher) and then fluctuated between general silliness and learning moments. It went something like this….

(Warning. Our conversations tend to abruptly change topics with little to know transitions.)

Hf: Mom. Those clouds look dark. You think it’ll rain?

Me: Mmmm, naw.

Hf: I predict it will.

Me: *teacher spidey-sense tingling at her use of “predict”* Yea? What’s your evidence?

Hf: My evidence is the color of the clouds. Before it storms clouds are dark. What do you predict?

Me: I predict that the wind will push those clouds right over us. My evidence is the scientific data that the meteorologist uses to make his weather report and this morning he said it’ll be a sunny weekend.

*Fast forward about five minutes and the weather report comes on the radio and states that it’ll be a sunny weekend.*

Me:*trying to subtly insert life lesson* You know what that tells me?

Hf: *pouting* Yea, you won.

Me: *trying not to laugh* There wasn’t a win/ lose. I was just thinking that that reminds me of that expression about not judging a book by its cover. The clouds looked scary, but were harmless. People can be that way. They can look scary and be super fun or look beautiful and be mean.

Hf: Do you think ____ is awake yet?

Me: I don’t know. Normal people sleep in as late as they can when they don’t have to go to work or school.

Hf: *hangs her head a bit & pokes out lower lip* I’m not normal.

Me: Hey. Who wants to be normal? Normal is overrated and boring. Think about it. Picture your favorite character, your princesses. Are they just like all the other characters in the story or do they stand out? Do they do what everyone else does or do they make their own choices?

Hf: They’re different.

Me: See! Normal does what everyone else does. That’s boring. No one would read a book or watch a movie about people who all did the same thing. Would you want to watch that?

Hf: No. No I wouldn’t. *smiles to herself while getting out her iPad and putting her headphones on.*

*Moment of silence then she does something and her cords get tangled. She grunts in frustration.*

Mom! My cords are all tangled!

Me: You should try hitting it with a skillet. *Laughs at self & subtle Tangled allusion.*

Hf: *rolls eyes* Ugh. You really aren’t funny, mom.

Our chats don’t usually flow so well, but when they do I spend most of the day in a mixture of emotions. My pleasure at the enjoyable conversations and humor at her observations and point-of-view (ok, and at my own hilarious jokes) is interspersed with a sadness at how quickly she’s growing up. While I revel in getting to know the person she is becoming I’m desperately clawing at the grains of sand and trying to slow them down as they gush through the hourglass.

The raw talks, and relatively few eye rolls, indicate to me that in these moments I’m doing something right. I hope that by spending that ride time focusing on her I show her the importance, and joy, of face-to-face conversations and that I’m laying a foundation so that later in life she’ll feel she can still talk to me.

What is something that you do (or did) with your kids that you particularly enjoyed or used as a way to ease a concern for their later years?




True Love

Over the past decade I’ve realized something about the evolution of love. It really is like the old cliche, “it’s like a fine wine….”

When love begins to grab hold, it’s roots are shallow- like a pretty spring flower. As time, and life, goes on its roots strengthen into that of an aged oak that stood through snow, and heat, and an Arkansas spring storm (or two) with its fierce lightning and twirling winds. Love no longer concentrates on butterflies and impressions, it’s too busy paying the light bill and shuttling the kids to ball practice.

That shift in the relationship, though, is something I’ve come to truly- dare I say- love. What most young people would look at and consider quite boring, I emphatically embrace.

Our love is not expressed by twenty- seven text messages and fancy gifts. Nor is it the emotional roller coaster of early on. Our love is me getting up a half hour early to fix his coffee just the way he likes it when I know he’s going to have a long day. It’s him starting my truck every time it’s slightly chilly because he knows I can’t stand to be cold.

Love is when he’s worked 12+hours that day and stops on the side of the road to pick me my favorite wildflowers. It’s everytime I make his favorite dinner, and he makes my dessert. Our love is a solid understanding of two souls that have no secrets. We know each other’s fears and regrets, and share the same hopes and dreams.

I see articles about rekindling romance and re-lighting sparks and I say pish-posh. Just because passion and romance are expressed differently does not mean they are dead. I love my husband better than I did back then because I know him deeper. We don’t need generic expressions of love because we know the words and actions that touch each other’s souls.

Sometimes we work in such harmony that we forget we can only exist as a pair. In those moments the heated arguements of young love are not needed. Whole conversations can be had with just a few words, a look into each other’s eyes, and a realignment of souls.

Young love is the hare, and we are the tortoise. We win this race.



Is Not Attending Church a Sin?

Pleasant Hill

I have had the discussion, more than once, about whether or not it is a sin to not attend church. Often the argument is thrown out that, “I don’t need to attend church to have a relationship with God. I can read my Bible from my home.” at which point the opposing side will counter with, “Do not forsake the assembling of ourselves” which is a play off of Hebrews 10:25 which, in its entirety says (this once I’m quoting in KJV so you can see the resemblance between the two quotes), “Not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, as the manner of some is; but exhorting one another: and so much the more, as ye see the day approaching.”

…and thus the argument continues back and forth with no one actually reaching an agreement or decision. So what, exactly, is the answer? Well, I’m not sure there is a solid one. First, there are too many extenuating circumstances to give a blanket answer. I can, possibly, address a few situations with my opinion and see if that helps.

First, one of my pet peeves is when anyone takes just a portion of the Bible and runs with it. I think that in order to fully understand what God is trying to tell us then we need to look (at least) at the passage as a whole. From here out I’ll be using the Holman Christian Standard Bible. The passage from Hebrews that is often used to as a defense of mandatory church attendance really should be backed up to, at least, verse 19 and reads like this:

19. Therefore, brothers, since we have boldness to enter the sanctuary through the blood of Jesus, 20 by a new and living way He has opened for us through the curtain (that is, His flesh), 21 and since we have a great high priest over the house of God, 22 let us draw near with a true heart in full assurance of faith, our hearts sprinkled clean from an evil conscience and our bodies washed in pure water. 23 Let us hold on to the confession of our hope without wavering, for He who promised is faithful. 24 And let us be concerned about one another in order to promote love and good works, 25 not staying away from our worship meetings, as some habitually do, but encouraging each other, and all the more as you see the day drawing near. Hebrews 10:19-25 HCSB

To me, this passage speaks about so much more than just getting your butt to church on a regular basis. It also talks about the emotional experience of church. Well, what happens when something has affected that experience? Then where do you go and what do you do? What if you truly long to attend church (I’m not talking about just slackers, if you are slacking then turn off the tv and get your tail to church; there, I addressed that) but, rather, have had a spiritual battle that prevents you in one way or another from attending? What do you do then?

Well, I can tell you what my husband and I did.

Figure it out? That’s right, you keep trying. Either, you attend your church-despite the spiritual struggles-or you look for a new one. And, even when you go week after week after week and you still don’t find the one that you belong in, you go again until you hear God speak. I won’t lie and say that we were faithful and kept trying like we should, but I wish that we had. If we had, if we hadn’t given up and spent months at home moping, then we would have found the fellowship and love that we have now sooooo much sooner. I know how hard it is when you have been wounded spiritually, and I know that sometimes you need time at home to talk to God and pray; personally, I think that it’s ok to take that time. However, I do believe that God intends for us to be in church regularly to hear His Word, to be ministered to, and to minister to others. God will heal our wounds, if we’ll let Him.



A Challenge for a Better America


One of the most wonderful blessings God has granted me is the bond of my family. Whether we are in the middle of a crazy whirlwind or celebrating a personal victory we are hand- in- hand facing it together. During moments where we cannot be physically with each other we are in constant communication letting the others feel our presence and love. We have lived through our share of tribulations and, through God’s grace, have learned how fortunate we are to have the family unit He knowingly chose for us.

My brothers and I have an especially close connection. Our unique raising (aka moving a trillion times) enabled us rely on each other more than I think traditional families do. Sure, we fought and tattled and tortured each other like other siblings do; but we also dropped our grievances instantaneously to defend each other’s honor, played for hours on end with green army men, gave up our last dime to buy gifts for special occasions, and drove (or rode a train through a thunderstorm) to spend a few needed moments with each other.

Since Josh is eight years younger than me, I was able to observe him as he changed from a toddling torture into the man he is today. I have watched him accomplish things that others said was beyond his reach. I stood in the doorway of our parents’ basement and watched him, as a young pre-teen, bent over misbehaving computers with the “Jones tongue” peeking out and his brow creased in determination. It didn’t take long for him to discover the computer’s ailment and breathe life back into his patient.

I remember the immeasurable pride I felt as I watched him build his business bit-by-bit. He started his business at only eleven years of age! He continued expanding it while finishing school (graduating at sixteen) and has managed to grow his company from a one man show to an imposing corporation that is quickly becoming known as “the” IT company/ managed service provider for businesses of all sizes (and has several locations around the state). He accomplished all of this while still balancing a personal life that gave me a beautiful sister and allowed me to become an aunt (several times over).

Though a decade or two has passed since I first spied on him, you’ll still find me leaning against his door frame watching him (in true awe and fascination) remote into a company’s system and resolve every concern while simultaneously answering three emails, participating in a conference call, messaging two different associates and talking with an employee who popped in his office to get Josh’s thoughts on a tricky repair or advice on life (sometimes he does all this while holding a sleeping toddler).

Josh has never been one to halfway do anything. Whatever he does he puts all his energy and heart into and competes his project/ work with integrity. His life proves that if we work hard and believe in ourselves (and our support unit) we can make the impossible happen. He is the embodiment of the American dream.

Josh is passionate about several things. God, family, and our country. If he feels that any of those are threatened he will quickly come to their defense. Knowing this I was not surprised when he told me last night that he was creating a video challenging Donald Trump to a debate. Josh sees Trump as a bully, a man who pushes past those with weaker defenses to get what he wants without regard to consequences or who gets hurt. Trump is a threat to our country, not an asset, and needs to be put in his place. I, for one, think Josh can do it. What we need in this country are people with solutions, not people who parade around shouting that we have problems. WE KNOW WE HAVE PROBLEMS! How about coming up with realistic solutions and then working towards their accomplishments? This is OUR country, I say it’s time we take it back.



Road Trip!

Grammaw and Pappaw Jones
Grammaw and Pappaw Jones

Next week we’ll take our annual trip to Kentucky for the Jones Family Reunion.  This is an event that we look forward to every year.  It’s a time to reunite with family and loved ones, to pass on our heritage, and to make new memories.  We’ll spend the weekend cooking out, teaching the kids wonderful games like “drop the hankie” and “kick the can”, and laughing over the antics of past reunions (like the time “someone” put a frog in the lightening bug can and Grammaw opened it).

As I eagerly anticipate the coming week, I’m also filled with a bit a dread.  This will be a nine hour drive, each way, with a five year old girl.  I’m scrambling to come up with activities that will keep her entertained and (doubtful) prevent the dreaded, “Are we there yet!?”  I’ve come up with a few things.

1.  We are a member of the DVD plan for Netflix.  I’ve rented a couple of movies that hopefully will buy some time.

2.  I’ve recently discovered the 123 Homeschool 4 Me website.  This amazing lady has TONS of materials and packets for kids of many ages and educational levels.  I’m going to print out a few so that we can do them on the road.

3.  We’ll be headed to the library in the morning to check out a new load of books (some on Independence Day because I can’t pass up a good opportunity to learn something new).  The library also has a nice selection of movies so we may get a couple of extras.  In addition, we like to check out audio books.

4. We always have a fun bag that includes some of HF’s favorite toys and few new ones that I pick up from the Dollar Store.

I’ll keep scouring Pinterest for new ideas, and will add to this post if I find any that I absolutely love.  What have you done that has worked well for you?

Road Trip


2% Mom

They Listen More Than We Know

Hila Fay being silly and scaring off a bear at the museum.
Hila Fay being silly and scaring off a bear at the museum.

Hila Fay LOVES for me to tell the story of how Chuck proposed to me.  It goes like this:

A long time ago, before Mommy was a mommy, Hila Fay was Hila Fay, and even before Mommy was Daddy’s wife, she was just a girlfriend.  One day your daddy took me hunting.  While we sat out in the cold winter evening, so cold that our breath formed clouds and floated away, I saw a deer coming right towards us!  I hadn’t gone hunting many times yet, so instead of sitting still I got excited and hit your daddy to get his attention.  My movement scared the doe and she ran away.  I was very sad.

Since dark was almost there, and we wouldn’t be able to see any more deer, we decided to pack up our things and go back to our homes.  As we walked out of the deer woods (at this point in the story HF is covering her mouth in delight and trying not to squeal) Daddy looked at me and said, “I have something that will cheer you up.”  I looked at him like he had lost his mind and simply replied, “I seriously doubt it.”  His eyes sparkled in amusement as he asked me, “Will you marry me?”  I was so shocked that the only thing I could think to say was, “That worked.” 

At LEAST every other day HF begs me to repeat the story, always giggling in delight when her daddy says he can cheer me up and then jumping up and down, clapping, and shouting, “YAY” when I reply that it worked.  I knew that she liked the story, but I didn’t realize how much she actually listened to it until last week when I had come down with strep throat.  I was laying in my bed, feeling miserable, when all of the sudden she came into my bedroom and kneeled down on Chuck’s side.  She looked at me and said, “Momma?  I got something that will cheer you up.” “Really, baby?  What?”  “Will you marry me?”  I could barely contain my laughter as I replied, “That worked.”

Her moment oozed with love and the child-like faith that anything can be cured with love laughter and it is a memory that I will treasure forever.  It reminded me, though, to be careful what I say (what stories I tell and what things I laugh at around her) because she is watching and waiting for the moment to mimic those that she loves best.


2% Mom

Homeschool for Us

HF's WeeSchool Graduation
HF’s WeeSchool Graduation

It’s finally official.  After years of going back and forth, and even starting the process of enrolling HF in kindergarten, we have decided to homeschool her.  It’s weird (to me, anyway) how God speaks to us sometimes.  As I walked into the school building to take HF for her THREE HOUR testing, I was filled with an immediate sense of dread.  Not sadness at her growing up so quickly, that is always present, but dread: like I was doing something wrong.  I wasn’t allowed to stay with her so I went back to the office and watched the time s-l-o-w-l-y go by.  As I drove around to pick her up a certainty filled me and I knew what God was telling me.

He was telling me that He gave her to ME, not to anyway one else.  He told me that I need to trust His reasoning, whether or not I understood the why, and follow Him.  After I accepted this, and talked it over with Chuck, God filled my whole being with peace.  I know it won’t always be easy, but I also know that if I’m following His will I can never go wrong.



2% Mom

Why Tears Are Shedding All Over The Place


Mommas all over (and even a few dads) are sniffling and reaching for kleenex. It’s that season where mailboxes fill with cards and photographs, and vehicles all around town loudly yell “Congratulations!” or “Class of 2015”.

For a small group of kids they are reaching one of their first milestones, Pre-school graduation. These tiny imps are running around with high pitched laughter and careless dreams while hearts are breaking all around them. This morning, as I dropped Hila Fay off for her last day of Wee School, I was reminded of her first. There were as many red eyes and glistening cheeks today as there were that day nine months ago: only this time it was the mommas and not the kiddos.


Today is a first of many lasts and, honestly, I’m just not ready for it. Time is going by so quickly and I find myself constantly questioning and second guessing the moments I have had with her. I wonder if I was loving enough or if I should have been stronger. Have I given in too many times when I’ve seen that puckering lip or, perhaps, do I need to ease up more? Am I teaching her the right things, investing enough time, and leading by example? Did I pack enough snacks? Am I ruining her teeth by not insisting strongly enough that she stop sucking her thumb?


I imagine that these are questions that never really go away. I reckon I’ll worry her entire life and continue to tear up at every milestone big and small. I’m not sure that there really is a cure or “sure fire fix” for a momma’s fear, but I know one thing. From the moment that I found out I was pregnant I prayed to God for one thing, consistently. I prayed that God would give my baby a heart for Him.

I thought about my prayer long and hard and came up with one conclusion; if Hila Fay has a heart for God then everything else will come out in the wash. All my other fears and worries will come to naught and she will be the woman that God intends for her to be.


And with this newfound confidence I dry me eyes. ..

Just joking, I’m still bawling. 

So, here’s to all the parents out there who are spending the next few days weepy while their little one rolls their eyes and say, “*Ugh* Momma, are you crying, again?”  For this moment we are all united in our heartache, doubts, pride,  and tears.  We will, as one, snap picture after picture and flood all forms of social media with them. We will tell anyone who will listen that our baby is graduating. We will fret over their hair and outfits as we prepare them for the big event, and we will commiserate with the other parents about how fast this year flew by and how it only seemed like yesterday when …

We will, also (eventually), be ok. We will continue to do our best and to try and be the parents that our pride and joy deserves. But, most importantly, we will know that our God is in control and loves our babies even more than we do. We can be confident that even when we fail, He will not.

With Love and Tears,