Originally posted 8/3/2011
Imagine this: you are sitting all alone in the doctor’s office. You’ve just been told that you have a fatal condition and mere moments to live. The doctor hands you a pad of paper and a pen and tells you that he’ll deliver a letter for you.
Who would you write to? Your spouse, kids, parent or best friend? What would you say? Would you tell them how much you love them or remind them to always clean behind their ears and wear clean underwear? I pondered on this for a while and decided my letter would probably go something like this:
How do you start a letter like this? There are so many things to say. The most important is for you to always remember how much I love you. I know our separation will be most impossible to bear, but believe it or not each day will get better. You are my best friend, my lover, my gift from God and you and Hila are the hardest things to walk away from.
Tell Hila everyday how much mommy loves her, but don’t idolize me. Tell her all my 2% times so she understands that I was far from perfect, except in how much I loved her. Hug her tight on her first day school, tell her how beautiful she looks and smart she is. When she gets her heart broke that first time, hold her tight and let her cry all the while whispering how much you love her. When she becomes a woman DON’T have that conversation with her, neither of y’all really want to go there…take her to Aunt Kaiti or Aunt Lisa.
At the moments when ya’lls hearts seems unbearable, go outside to a clear night sky and gaze up at the big dipper. Know that it is filled with my love and pours out each night over you both.
You are an amazing man, full of strength and courage and wit. I love you.
Does that sound something like what you would say? It seems crazy to do anything with those last moments but to devote them to letting others know how you feel…until you read 2 Timothy.
When Paul wrote 2 Timothy he was imprisoned in Rome. He knew he was going to die, but wasn’t quite sure when the deed would be done. He writes a letter to Timothy (a letter that turns out to be the last one ever found) beginning it with a plea for Timothy to come to him and and filling the letter with last bits of christian instruction and wisdom.
When I really began to think of this I became quite convicted. How many of my “living” moments do I spend trying to further Christ’s kingdom? Paul dedicated even his last moments to Christ, moments where any other person (or at least me) would spend tieing up loose ends and begging for their life. If Paul can go so bravely towards a death for Christ, surely I can do my best to live for Him.