Not Martha Stewart

You ever have those days where it doesn’t matter what you do it seems to go wrong? I’m having one of those weekends-with cooking. I warned in my info section that I was not a Martha Stewart or Paula Dean and this post gives testimony to that fact!

Yesterday I attempted to make some homemade brownies. My first batches failure was entirely my fault. I have this nasty habit of over complicating things and not thinking things through-combine those two and you have a recipe failure (pha ha ha).

The recipe called for me to melt some shortening so instead of me doing it in the microwave I decided that meant it needed to be done on the stove (did I also mention that I have no common sense-really…), and since I melted the shortening I decided I would dissinigrate the sugar and cocoa. After I added the cocoa I realized I forgot the eggs! In a panic I cracked the four eggs and added them directly to the saucepan…where they immediately scrambled up. *sigh*

Batch number one in the trash.

Bound and determined to get this right I melt the shortening in the MICROWAVE then combine all my ingredients. I warm the oven and get out the pan, only I have one problem. The last step clearly says “pour” the batter-which to me means the batter at this point should be of a liquid consistency and not a play-dough one, right?

I double check all my measurements and as far as my dyslexic (yes, lol, really) eyes can see I did it right but still my “batter” is unpourable. What’s a girl to do? Improvise! I figure that somehow I must have added too much if one of the powders so I should just compensate by adding more of the shortening! And more, and more…all in all I ended up adding about 2 1/2 cups worth! The good news is I got it to pour into the pan, the bad news is that Chuck is no longer the romantic newlywed that eats my crunchy spaghetti and tries to convince me it’s good. He said those brownies were awful and not to be offended if even his dog won’t eat them!!!

Then today I attempted my hand at frying up some eggplant and up filling the house with smoke and burning my finger. Think I’ll just go to bed and stick with bologna sandwiches for next week.

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