5 Easy Steps to Win an Internet Debate (a satire)

The internet thrives on political chaos, or chaos in general. Suddenly everyone becomes an expert in law, economics, and telepathy. It would seem impossible to win a debate under these circumstances, right? Wrong! I have developed a sure-fire way to win any debate you enter and I’m willing to give you the secret for free!

Free?

Yes, FREE!

All you have to do is abandon all integrity and respect for humanity.

Really!

It only takes 5 easy steps!

1. Come prepared!

When you’re in a heated, online debate things can escalate quickly. Have a list of unoriginal insults and names ready to refer to. Some examples could be:

Libtard

Degenerate

Communist

Poopy-head

If all else fails the classic, Your feet stink, is available.

2. Find as many random, unverified sources to support your position.

Websites like wikipedia & buzzfeed are winners. Don’t forget to include that one blogger with 3 followers, his stuff is great!

3. Spread the rumors!

If you can’t find the evidence you need, just repeat something you think you once heard. How can anyone refute that? You know what you know.

4. Call for backup

If things are getting sketchy and you feel overwhelmed tag all your friends! Then y’all can use all of the above methods together and overwhelm your opponent into submission.

5. Twist their words around

This may take some practice but can be extremely effective. For instance if I say:

I prefer college football over pro football.

You come back with:

So you’re saying that the millions of dollars poured into communities through souvenir purchases and employment is just a waste!

Bonus:

If things get REALLY hairy, delete the entire thread. That way no one ever knows you lost.

Best of luck!

2%mom

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